i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
