I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The uberlube is also flammable
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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