I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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