apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
