If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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