So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
