I wish my penis had an off switch
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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