Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
