My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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