and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
