You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
