Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
