I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
