is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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