What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
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I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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