omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
