If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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