you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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