He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
