i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
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To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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