What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
