Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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