i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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