my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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