Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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