Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
