I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
