overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
