All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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