Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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