My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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