Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
