Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
