Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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