between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
