Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
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vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
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I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
tell me about the eggs
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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