well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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