Is it because I queefed?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
