you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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