Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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