Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
