Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
