I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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