All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
