Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize