In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
