You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Damn victory sex feels great
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
