Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize