Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
