I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
