Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
