I can tuck mytits in my pants
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
