if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
