I just saw a hot homeless man
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
