this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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