girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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