In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
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Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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