There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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