okay pat passed out under dana's car
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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